Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
