i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize