That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My vagina just clenched in fear
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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