Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
