you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
