no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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