My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
