I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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