weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
