I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
