found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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