ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
