Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize