I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
