Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
