i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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