you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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