Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
