Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
