He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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