apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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