my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize