Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
