I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
