Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
