You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
