you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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