wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
