my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
