who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kiss
Puke
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
