That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
