Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
