woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize