i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
