Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
