don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
