I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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