We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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