So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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