um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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