we're blogging at a bar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
