If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
