Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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