If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
