put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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