Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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