it hurts more in the daytime
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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