yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
