I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
