yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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