You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
