dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
