Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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