Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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