Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize