its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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