My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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