remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
