On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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