You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
