I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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