I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
