totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
