He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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