Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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