Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
