found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
