so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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