we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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