I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
