TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
