You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
