What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
