that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You can't just leave with hair like that
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
