i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
