I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
