it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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