that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
