If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
