He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
