I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
smell my finger.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
