when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
