I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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