It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize