You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
