I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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