She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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