i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
