I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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