i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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