like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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