i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
