I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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